Объяснение некоторых философских, религиозных и прочих течений на пальцах

1. Платонизм. Я вспомнил! У меня есть пальцы!
2. Неоплатонизм. У меня есть пальцы! Но это вспомнил не я...
3. Атомизм. Пальцы есть, но только очень маленькие, и их очень много.
4. Киники. Пальцы есть. Но зачем?...
5. Стоицизм. Пальцы неизбежны.
6. Иудаизм. Мои пальцы - всем пальцам пальцы!
7. Зороастризм. Есть пальцы левые, есть пальцы правые, и их поровну.
8. Индуизм. Каждому пальцу - по карме!
9. Буддизм. Пальцы бренны - так на фиг они нужны?...
10. Конфуцианство. Пальцы. Просто пальцы.
11. Даосизм. От пальцев никуда не денешься.
12. Христианство. Пальцев пять, но ладонь-то одна!...
13. Христианская ересь. А пальцев-то не пять!...
14. Средневековая философия. Пальцы непостижимы.
15. Философия Возрождения. А пальцы-то есть!
16. Ислам. Нет пальцев кроме моих.
17. Сенсуализм. Если ударить по пальцам и будет больно, то они есть, а если не больно - то их нет.
18. Идеализм. Пальцы есть, потому что я думаю, что они есть.
19. Субъективный идеализм. Вот перестану думать о пальцах - и они исчезнут!
20. Агностицизм. Пальцы-то есть, но вот поди это докажи...
21. Материализм. Пальцы есть, потому-то я о них и думаю.
22. Диалектический материализм. Единство и борьба правых и левых пальцев.
23. Рационализм. Пальцы есть. Их не может не быть.
24. Скептицизм. Поди разберись в этих пальцах!
25. Детерминизм. Это смотря какие пальцы...
26. Просвещение. А что ты сделал для своих пальцев?!
27. Гегельянство. Пальцы есть!!! Но непонятно - как?!
28. Ницшеанство. Не стоит долго глядеть на свои пальцы, иначе однажды они взглянут на тебя.
29. Марксизм. Это как два пальца.
30. Марксизм-ленинизм. Это как два пальца об асфальт.
31. Иррационализм. А есть ли пальцы?...
32. Позитивизм. Пальцы пальцами, однако...
33. Экзистенциализм. Где-то у меня были пальцы...

Чушь

Taoism:
Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.

Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.

Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Confucius says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY.

Buddhism:
If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.

Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?

7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.

Hinduism:
I've seen this shit before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.

Protestantism:
If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

Calvinism:
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalianism:
If shit happens, hold a procession.

Lutheranism:
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen - but only to Lutherans.

Catholicism:
If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.

Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to US?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?

Islam:
If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
If shit happens, take a hostage.
We don't take any shit.

Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit!

New Age:
That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
We're all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.

Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.

Darwinism:
Survival of the shittiest.

Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit in in your mind.

Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!

Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.

Agnosticism:
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
What is this shit?!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit

Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.

Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.
Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah)
Hey, there's more shit over here!
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again & again & again ...

Energizer Bunny:
Shit happens and keeps going and going and going and...

Baptist:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.

Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.

Iraqi Baathist:
Oh shit!

Voodoo:
Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this shit!
This shit's gonna get you

Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.

Unitarianism:
What is this Shit?
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit any way you want.
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.

Orthodox:
St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox:
Shit happens, usually in three's.

EST:
I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.

Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.
Shit happens, but don't publish it.

Twelve Step:
Shit happens one day at a time.

Amish:
Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.

Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Moonies:
Only happy shit really happens.

Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.

Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.

Bahaism:
Why do you keep shitting on us?

Mysticism:
This is really weird shit.

Paganism:
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

Rajhneesh:
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.

Rosicrucianism:
What is this AMORC shit?

Satanism:
We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.

Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen

Scientology:
All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.

Shamanism:
Whoaa...Holy Shit!

Sikhism:
Leave our shit alone

Sureshism:
You are all pieces of shit.

Dianetics:
"Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)

прям как какой-то фанфик про гп!!! (Типа пронулся, проснулся... проснулся, проснул рона....)