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http://www.universalrejection.org/conference/

1st ANNUAL CONFERENCE OF UNIVERSAL REJECTION

Portland, Oregon, USA
August 16, 2014

We would like to extend a warm invitation to the first annual Conference of Universal Rejection! Tired of conferences where everyone talks and no one listens? Conferences full of dull, technical presentations that are way over your head? Our conference is different. No one talks and no one listens, and all presentations are both ground-breaking and accessible to an idiot. Join us! Portland, OR
Registration

Registration opens on April 1, 2014. In the mean time, you should try to reserve your spot: registration will be capped.

Submissions

We are accepting abstracts for talks. Please submit to j.universal.rejection@gmail.com. Talks can be on any topic, in any format, any length. Presenters must provide their own slide or A/V projectors and power source. All submissions will be rejected. Furthermore, we may post your name, abstract, and our rejection publicly at the blog Reprobatio Certa.

If you'd like to organize a Special Session, yeah, you could do that. Whatever floats your boat. If you send us your name, affiliation, and a title for your Special Session, we may even post that here in a nice table. (Special Session Organizers agree to act as universal rejectors.)

Organizer Session Topic Description Number of Slots
Judith Ogilvie, Saint Louis University Optimizing Your Grant Proposal to Ensure Rejection 0
Silvia Florea, Lucian Blaga University of Sibiu Optimizing Rejection Talent Topics include which universal actions drive rejection, optimize or motivate rejection talent, etc. 0
Charlotte Truchet Me, My Research and I (MMRI'14) Topic : your research, whatever it is. Preferably in science or poetry. Policy : - papers must present incremental results. At least 90% of the paper must have already been published elsewhere. - the bibliography must include at least 50% of autocitations. PhD students who may not be able to fulfill this condition are allowed to replace autocitations by citations of their advisors articles. - each paper must come with a list of at least referees who are in conflict of interest on the paper, or simply in conflict with the authors. The list can include personal ennemies, bad neighbours, or students who failed the exams in the authors' courses. - to ensure an efficient rejection process, reviewers will be chosen in the list above. 0
Adam Cerny, Silesian University in Opava Rejection influence on human performance (empirical study) No limitations, we kindly ask all participants to join. Everyone will be rejected. Then we will observe the impact on their future life and career. 0
Program

The conference will begin at 2pm with our Keystone Address. Talks and poster sessions follow. Next will come the anointing of all attendees as Assistant Editors of the Journal of Universal Rejection. At this point, attendees who have made the mistake of bringing a laptop, tablet computer or handheld device may begin the work of alleviating the Journal's 100+ backlog of submissions. The rest of us can retire to the lawn for a game of bocce and refreshments.

Lodging

Please contact any local hotel and ask for the "Conference of Universal Rejection" group rate. After that, maybe you can email me j.universal.rejection@gmail.com and tell me what they said. It might be a good laugh for both of us.

Conference Policies

Please review these policies which are intended to confuse you and enrich the coffers of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

Journal of Universal Rejection T-shirts are required in lieu of name-badges, and must be worn at all times during the meeting.
Cell phones must be turned off when speaking with any Editor.
No photography or recording is allowed in oral sessions or in the Poster Exhibit Hall.
The placement of advertising in the meeting is limited to that of the Journal of Universal Rejection, Elsevier, Closed Access Journal, and/or their affiliates. There might be a corkboard somewhere if you know about any cool bands playing in PDX. No signs on Esels are permitted.
Corporate or institutional logos in slides or posters may appear only one time. Make sure slides are confined to outdoor park areas, next to the jungle-gym (monkey-bars).
Policies, rules, penalties, location are subject to change without notification. The Journal of Universal Rejection, its affiliates, third party vendors, etc., offer no guarantees. That said, attempts to attend the Conference of Universal Rejection will probably not turn out like this.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q: You say Portland, Oregon. But where exactly? That's a pretty big place.

A: I'm glad you asked. That reminds me of a funny story... I registered to attend MathFest 2009 in Portland, Oregon. I guess the conference wasn't my number one priority and I failed to, um, look up where it was. Day of the conference arrives, and I happily hop on a bus headed to the Portland Convention Center. Upon arrival, I start wandering through the hallway. Looks like a normal math conference. Lots of people sitting on the floor knitting. But then I noticed three facts: (1) no-one was knitting a Moebius scarf, (2) I was the only man, and (3) everyone was knitting socks. (For the pedantic, yes (3) => (1).) It turns out I had stumbled into Sock Summit 2009. Yes, an entire conference about knitting socks. Well, crashing a sock-knitting conference was awesome, and for all those who can't tell a turned heel from a sock gusset, I recommend you get grafting and try it!

Q: Wait, you didn't answer my question. Where exactly is the 2014 Conference of Universal Rejection?

A: Well, maybe I'll give you some hints. HINT #1: It is not at the Portland Convention Center. (Watch for more hints later. This may be a bit like Cicada 3301, but probably more like a crossword puzzle or something.)

Q: Can I bring guests? What about pets?

A: Perhaps. Unless your guest/pet is an orang-utan-then not. (Though an orang-utan might be okay if you get him a T-shirt and avow that he is not murderous.)

Q: Who is going to be the, uh, Keystone Speaker?

A: Yes.

Q: Um... that wasn't a yes-or-no-question.

A: And that wasn't a question. What, are you interested? And famous?

Q: Why is this question so frequently asked?

A: Yeah, I was wondering that too.

Q: How do you feel about Powerpoint?

A: The more effects the better!

Q: o;puuioif 77777778ce4tyuiggggggggtghhujnmvbnijkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppklllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;.///////////////////mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmopmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (Question most often asked by 4-year-olds)

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Post-Doc and PhD Positions at the Institute of Evolution, University of Haifa, Haifa, Israel We are looking for independent, motivated, diligent, laborious, dedicated post-doctorate fellows for revealing the mechanisms of cancer-resistance and anti-cancer activity of the hypoxia-tolerant subterranean, blind mole-rat, Spalax. Our project has captured the interest of the scientific community and we have ample financial support for the studies. Generous fellowships ($30K to $40K according to qualifications and performance) are available, immediately, for experts in bioinformatics with a background of fully understanding biological questions, and for 'wet/bench' work, highly experienced in working with tissue culture, protein biochemistry and nude mice methodologies. Training in cancer research is an advantage. Experience of writing manuscripts for publication and solid publication record are expected. English skills both oral and written are required. American, Western-European or Israeli education is a benefit. Outstanding candidates for PhD studies will also be considered ($20K to $27K according to qualifications and performance). Scientific background: We are working with the hypoxia-tolerant (down to 3% O2), long-lived (>20 years) subterranean blind mole-rat, Spalax, which shows an outstanding cancer-resistance and anti-cancer capabilities. Observations of thousands of individuals at our Institute have never noticed a spontaneous malignant tumor. Furthermore, we have found in Spalax different structure and function of major genes related to cancer (p53, heparanase, genes of antioxidant defense and DNA-repair genes). Assessment of Spalax transcriptome assembly and expression data has revealed enrichment of genes that overlap cancer resistance, apoptosis, angiogenesis, and hypoxiatolerance and elicits much wider and stronger expression in Spalax than in rat (Malik et al, 2012, BMC genomics, 13, 615). Moreover, Spalax has shown extremely high cancer-resistance to chemical carcinogens that induced cancer in 100% of mice and rats. Most intriguing, fibroblast cells only from Spalax, but not from other species, inhibit growth and kill cancer cells, but not normal cells, from various tissues and species, most importantly a wide range of human cancer cells. This is exhibited in both co-culture system or by exposure to factors secreted into conditioned media harvested from Spalax fibroblasts. Decreased cancer cell viability and proliferation, reduced colony formation in soft agar, disturbed cell cycle progression, chromatin condensation, nuclei deformation and mitochondrial fragmentation were reproducibly observed (Manov et al., 2013, BMC biology 11, 91). Our present objectives is to identify and isolate the substances secreted by Spalax cells, resolve with which components they interact that are active only on cancer cells, in order to unravel the biological mechanisms and pathways that evolved in Spalax cell machinery and ultimately lead to the death of cancer-cells.. The study may attest to be a breakthrough in the conservative paradigm of cancer research, completely dependent on laboratory, inbred rodents. Achieving this goal will open new horizons in cancer studies, and may prove that the long lived, hypoxia- and cancertolerant Spalax is a significant biological resource to biomedical research as an organism for treatment and prevention of cancer in humans.