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Quote Page

Famous E-mail Quotes

(a.k.a. "Anything can be taken out of context...")

On two year olds:

" I envy your having a family so much- you can have the worst day in the world, but you can (hopefully) go home and put your arms around her and she will think the world of you..."

On Canadians:

"Yes, alligators do like to eat Canadians, yes we have them as pets in the back, here. Don't go walking out there without a very big stick, or the equivalent of a project/thesis advisor (they taste even better than Canadians!) "

On bikes and jeeps:

"I'm currently being entertained by one of the campus patrol people questioning a couple of kids on bikes. It doesn't look like a happy chat, she just did a short search of their pockets... Well, the two kids just got put in the back of the patrol jeep and another one just pulled up. Oh! This is getting exciting!! This guy looks a lot more official. Okay, now the kids are back out of the jeep and getting into the second jeep. They're putting the bikes in the first jeep. I don't think I'd want to be those kids. Nobody looks too happy. Okay, so that's my excitement for a rainy Friday. Isn't there school today? This is cute, they can't get the bikes into the jeep. Just how many police officers does it take to put some bikes into a jeep? Apparently two and a great deal of time."

On parking at work:

"Also, you shouldn't try to park on the upper deck when it is snowing-- the facilities guys `really feel bad when we hit' cars up there."

On music:

"My stupid walkman keeps eating all my tapes. I am really sick of it. I can hear the tapes slow down then I open it up and they are all accordian folded. It's like waiting for the sound of the toilet to overflow."

On crockery:

"Had I known, I would have stayed home and continued working on my pots - I spent all morning attaching handles and they look soo cute all huddled on my windowsill. :)"

On missing someone:

"Okay, so basically I do NOT like your car being in the parking lot because I am immediately filled with jubliation with the thought "You're Back!" then this subtle depression of "No, that's just your car..." I've done it four times now in the last two days, its making my carma all weird."

On advanced office equipment:

"I work with freakin' morons. Al just said that the stapler put his pages in the wrong order. Yeah, right Al."

On jobs:

"Personally, I think railroad engineers are cool."

On money:

"Oh, and I hate to inform you guys but you are only the second poorest people in the world, we are first. When you contemplate getting rid of your pets so as to save the money you would normally spend on them, you are pathetically poor."

On school:

"Hey, I'm an eduacted person now."

On fatherhood:

"I'm not a daddy ???"

On motorcycles:

"I don't believe you have/are getting a motorcycle. I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have your children."

On motorcycles:

"God, I talk about it like it's better than pizza, but my God, it is so cool."

On motorcycles:

"Oh yes, and of course you would have to bring your motorcycle."

On motorcycles:

"Wow. Not a wow like the motorcycle riding wow, just a very calm, contented wow."

On motorcycles:

"Well, later you absolute hunk with a motercycle (of course, the bike has promoted you from hunk to absolute hunk!)"

On weddings:

"I ended up catching the bouquet, just cause I knew she was gonna launch it and I was standing in the back because all her close friends were in front of me. Ha Ha, I swear I even plotted out a trajectory in my head before she threw it- what a dork..."

On astrodynamics:

"By the way- all the cool students sit way in the back, (mostly because it is close to the heaters- get it- cool students...)"

On bad hair days:

"Did I ever tell you he was nicknamed "Ambu-Man" at his job because when he took a CPR class there for job safety, everyone said he looked like the dummy?! It had something to do with his hair."

On punctuation:

"Are you one of those people who gets a naked apostrophy at the end of your name?"

On the future of corporate America:

"I went to a pep rally for that company. This college drop out in a suit and jewelry puts up on the board the cost of tuition for 4 years of college versus the salary one could make in this company after 4 years, and he said when he was totaling the numbers: `Ok, you guys help me out on this one.' You wouldn't believe how many different numbers were shouted out from the employees. Yeah, great demonstration."

On the future of S&L's:

"I've never heard of a bank not letting someone put money in!"

On spouses:

"My wife is a woman, therefore all women are like my wife."

On fine dining:

"I went to the pancake house for dinner (kill me now please- what's the inverse of being a yuppie- dining at the pancake house thinking you are cool...)"

On living in a metropolitian area 1:

"I don't like living in the city though. It`s very intimidating. People come up to me and ask me for money, and I give it to them because that's my nature. Well, actually, only one woman, and she asked me for "change" so I opened my "change" area in my wallet. She didn't get very much. I didn't even come away feeling good about myself. I felt like she thought I'd be a good sucker, so she'd ask, and I was."

On living in a metropolitian area 2:

I had to walk down an even scarier street to get back to my car (in daylight) and there was at least one shady character, so I proceded to verbalize outloud how "...I don't look like someone who has money, or maybe I do, or why else whould I have been asked, and this was only my second day making real money, and all my debts probably make me poorer than that person who asked me for money, and maybe she wasn't really poor, she just saw a sucker coming, and..." Needless to say, me walking down the street shaking my head and mumbling to myself looked pretty strange, no one approached me after that."

On prefacing a sarcastic comment:

"Meant to be read with dim lighting and violin music playing in the background, perhaps me with a cigarette and a thick Italian accent:"

On acronyms 1:

"E-R-C: the sound of a computer coughing up a hairball."

On acronyms 2:

"U-R-L: when a computer throws up."

On IRAF:

"Now I know the rule on IRAF tasks, if its trivial, it exists. If it is really difficult and can be really useful to many applications, its not written yet. (rrrrRRRRRrrrrr)"

On Waiting:

"I am disappointed to say that the "56 minute" timer on trying to copy ~25 GB off of my hard drive on to another machine via the network was not true to its word. Once a directory finished that only took 56 min, another directory started copying and the time remaining was refreshed to 60,000,000 minutes. Seeing as I really don't have 114 years to wait for this copy, I am thinking we need a better solution."

Aug 2003