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STARE FIELDS
Newsletter of the Amateur Tinyscope Makers of Boston Including the Bon Bon Astronomical Club Established in 1934 For the Enjoyment of Fine Candy and to Abuse Telescope Makers and Users No. 4 April 2001

BOBBY COLLARA WILD STAR OBSERVATORY, located in Noirciel, Nova Scotia. -Bobby Collara, President-

March's Minutes...
THE MEETING of the Amateur Tinyscope Makers of Boston, including the Bon Bon Astronomical Club, was opened by President BOBBY COLLARA. Our guest speaker never showed. LOUIE COHEN ran off to the video store to get a science fiction movie while the business meeting was held. After the meeting, fine chocolates were passed out and the movie "The Man Who Fell To Earth" was watched. Everyone went home happy. -Eileen Myears, Secretary-

Membership Report...
I HAVE decided that there are too many members in the club with uncomfortable or unpronounceable names. I am tired of being embarrassed every time I have to read old or new members names at monthly meetings and I haven't a clue how to pronounce them. The next Membership Renewal Form will indicate whether your name has been accepted as is or if it needs to be changed. In particular, the following members need to start planning ahead for a name change: Matt BenDaniel (too many first names) Bruce Berger (makes me hungry every time I see that name) Paul Cicchetti (too many c's) Steve Clougherty (choose between Clow or Erty) Dennis DiCicco (too many c's) Jack Drobot (I'd love to drop the D) Dan Feldkhun (silent d? k? h?) Marion Hochuli (change the ch to qu) Brewster LaMacchia (should that be Brew of La Mancha?) Charlie McDonald (again, makes me hungry) Michael Schexnaydre (say what?) David Schuh (why not just use Shoe like it's pronounced?) Jim Suslowicz (I can never get that cz right) Sai Vallabha (that could become Sigh Val Up Ha) Gary Walker (makes me tired just looking at the name) Tom Wolf (what kind of wolf?) Sure, your own name is just swell ­ it's got history and character to it. But think of me and my position as a club officer and cut me a little slack. Thanks in advance for your cooperation. ­John Smiley-

This Month's Meeting...
Thursday, April 1st, 2001, at 8:00 PM Prince Phillip's Auditorium, Harry-Winston Center for Astrophysics THIS MONTH's speaker will be our Fearless Leader and President as well as mirror grinding mentor BOBBY COLLARA. His topic will be "Tales of Clubhouse Grindings". It's time to tell what really goes on at the clubhouse on Thursday grinding nights. The truth will shock you. Join our most excellent speaker for dinner at 5:45 PM at the Clang Clang Restaurant located at 1712 Mass Ave. in our fair city, Cambridge.

President's Petard...
I'M SO tired of reading atmob-discuss messages and one particular member's ongoing search for dark sky observing sites. Man, he's been making me feel guilty with his frustrations and loss of great observing time during the search. So, I made a big decision, a great decision: I will sell my house in Nova Scotia to the club! I know, Nova Scotia's a bit far to get to on a Friday or Saturday night, but I've got a great idea: at Stellafane we can sell all that old ATMoB clubhouse stuff, including old S & T's and the antique books on mirror making. We should be able to sell enough stuff each year to charter a flight to Nova Scotia for ten members every new Moon weekend. I already held a special executive board meeting, and they voted to accept my offer. Pending approval at the next club meeting, I would like to invite everyone in the club to the passing of papers and to the dedication of the

Clubhouse Report...
SATURDAY OPEN CLUBHOUSE SCHEDULE April 1 CLOSED Forecast - snow April 8 CLOSED Forecast - snow April 15 CLOSED Forecast - snow April 22 CLOSED Forecast - snow April 29 CLOSED Forecast - snow THE CLUBHOUSE will be closed for observing for the month of April due to the Farmer's Almanac weather prediction of a snowy April. ­The Clubhouse Directors-


Astronomy Day Help Needed...
THERE WAS such an explosion of interest in mirror grinding at last year's Boston Museum of Science mirror grinding demonstration that this year the demo will begin at 6 a.m. and go on until midnight. Many members will be needed to assist the public. Please email or call me to help out. Thanks in advance. ­Rocky Nugent, Observant Committee-

part of a campaign to promote anti-light pollution legislation. The announcement has caused intense media interest with television crews nationwide descending on the site. The Governor of Massachusetts announced an aggressive campaign to control the spread of disease with hourly helicopter spraying of the affected area. This campaign is expected to continue through the summer months. -Eddie-

Library Open House...
THE OFFICE and Library will be open during the temperate months of April and May on Thursdays from 11 antemeridian until 2 postmeridian. The Historian will have Open House for all those people who are able to make the trek to the Clubhouse. This should benefit students and on-property research personnel who desire to use our extensive resources. The Historian, with her newly acquired KEY, will be there with JOHN GOODREAD. Please avail yourself of this addition to our program. Contact me for an appointment or confirm my presence on a particular day. E-mail: Anahillyar@don'tbelievethis.com ­Anna Hilyar-

Smarty Dr. Arty Reports...
THE FOLLOWING communication was received by your correspondent from an unnamed source close to fellow member JERRY ZUSSMAN. Dr. Zussman confided in this individual that a saucer of the flying type had recently landed in his backyard. Not wanting to be "wasted" by "colleagues," he was reticent, but could contain himself no longer. Unfortunately relief was followed in rapid succession by mortification at letting the cat out of the proverbial bag. When asked whether this craft of unearthly origin contained little green men (LGM), Dr. Zussman replied, "I'm color blind, so they could have been red for all I know (obvious grist for Rush Limbaugh's mill); as for they're being men, I couldn't see anything Down There!" Another piece of intelligence was received from Dr. Mario Motley, our representative to NELPEG (or whatever it's called). Apparently the astronomical community is under suspicion of a sinister conspiracy originating in California (of course). Astronomers of both amateur and professional persuasion were tired of shooting out lights to create observable skies. Besides, it gets old rather quickly to be called into court with your dad, especially when he's 92 and must be wheeled in from a nursing home. If the big guys can do it, so can we. By manufacturing energy shortages, these intrepid observers on high will either create dark skies or go to the big house. No more of this family court nonsense. Observe the sky or spend your time at government expense improving your golf or tennis game. ­Artfully Done-

Solar Eclipse Trip Winner...
THE WINNER of the Solar Eclipse trip to Africa is NITIN "KNITTING" SONAWANNE. The winner was selected at the club's New Year's Eve party. Too bad so many of you weren't there to enter the contest. Congratulations to you, "Knitting"! Protect that telescope and camera equipment from the wild elephants as they stampede from the disappearing Sun.

ISS Needs Mirror Grinders...
APPLICATIONS ARE being taken by NASA to choose five mirror makers to make a 12Ѕ-inch mirror on the ISS. An attempt will be made to see if the elimination of the effects of gravity while grinding and polishing will require a change in stroking technique. Please send your name, address, age, how long you can be away from home (include Spousal Permission Form if necessary), and a certificate from your doctor stating that you are in good health. There will be five separate missions to work on the mirror, with a different mirror maker sent on each. Free transportation to Cape Canaveral will be provided to those chosen. No one on Viagra need apply.

East Nile Virus...
THE CENTER for Disease Control announced the first U.S. cases of East Nile Virus. Unlike its more notorious cousin, the East Nile strain is rarely fatal. The primary symptom is a body odor that unjustly resembles a skunk in heat. The virus is carried by a species of mosquito that breed only near carousel toilets. The only known antidote is consumption of large quantities of chocolate covered wafers, such as Little Debbie Nutty Bars. A representative from the CDC said that the first cases were found in a Boston suburban town. The victims were a group of state legislators who were attending a star party as

*********************************************** ATTENTION Next year's Stare Fields deadline is March 1, 2002 Email articles to club secretary Eileen Myers at starleen@ma.ultranet.com Really ridiculous and dumb ideas from members are always welcome. **********************************************