AXAF Calibration Song
The AXAF Calibration Song
(Sung to "I'm a Lumberjack")
Refrain:
I'm a scientist and I'm OK,
I think all night and I drink all day.
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AXAF is a telescope that looks at blown-up stars.
If I'm not in my office, check out the local bars.
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I do math tricks on envelopes, I integrate by parts.
I never meet my deadlines, and scoff at schedule charts.
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My field is astrophysics, I like to look at lines.
I know my ales and lagers, five hundred different kinds.
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I wear white socks, old faded jeans; my kids have Star Trek names.
Apart from social drinking, I like computer games.
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AXAF's on the Shuttle, launch number ninety-three.
And when it is in orbit, the drinks are all on me.
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My ego is enormous, I like to think I'm bright.
I wear a wild hairdo, that others view with fright.
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At Synchrotron Brookhaven, we mostly measure mirrors,
And when we're not on duty, we sample bottled beers.
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I love to write procedures, I do it every day.
I'm often quite sarcastic, and guzzle chardonnay.
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Our "8-hour days" are nothing but optimistic lies.
It's for the good of Science. Beware of OSHA spies!
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On weeklong runs at BESSY, we barely even snooze.
We'd have more fun in Berlin, if there were time for booze.
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Our CCDs are splendid, our MCPs first-rate!
I'm sure they'll work as hoped for, though just a little late.
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My body runs on coffee, my brain on alcohol.
If it were not for liquids, I'd never eat at all.
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The HSI takes pictures, the FPC has gas.
The SSD counts photons, as we sit on our ass.
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We toil on the night shift, when Guide Tube crickets peep.
We drink our beer for breakfast, and then fall fast asleep.
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We've got a line of clothing, with AXAF on it all,
And when we're done with this job, we'll all work in the mall.
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To foil would-be hackers, they cut our network link.
Life's hard without my Netscape---I need another drink!
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When using liquid nitro', it's fun to make things freeze,
And best among its uses is making daiquiris.
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The HRMA is an optic with four reflective shells.
We toast its near perfection with quarts of muscatels.
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Those precious Kodak moments would often make us cringe,
But grating tests were finished without a frozen hinge.
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In XSS/600 there's rarely much to do.
We keep ourselves alert by taste-testing homemade brew.
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We humor Test Conductors with lots of 'gots' and 'dids',
And when the stress gets too much, we kill some errant PIDs.
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Our task is calibration, we'll get the job done right!
And when it's fin'ly over, we'll sing with all our might---oh,....