Документ взят из кэша поисковой машины. Адрес оригинального документа : http://crydee.sai.msu.ru/ftproot/pub/misc/doc/humor/microsoft/ms.xmas Дата изменения: Tue May 30 19:42:38 1995 Дата индексирования: Mon Dec 24 10:52:38 2007 Кодировка: Поисковые слова: вечный календарь

Subject: Microsoft Aquires Christmas

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement
with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at
a press conference held via sattelite from Santa's
summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.
In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights
to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified
inventions.In addition, Microsoft will gain access
to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.

The announcement also included a notice that beginning
Jan 1, 1995, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be
copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was
facilitated by the recently aquired MS Court. Microsoft
stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas
great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas
and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed
that the guidelines for licensing these names, due
before Halloween, will be very strict.

When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied
"Microsoft has been working on a more effecient delivery
mechanism for all of our products for some time, but
recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate
benefits. We'll use it first for the release of
Windows95 and Office 95."

In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown
a seamingly endless video stream of products that make
up the deal. It ended with a green and red version
of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 95 trademark,
leading into the announcement of the first product from
the deal.

Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations
said, "The first step is to assimilate Christmas within
the Microsoft Organization. This will take some time,
so don't expect any changes this year." She continued,
"our big plans are for next year, when we release
Christmas 95. It will be bigger and better than last
year." She further elaborated that "Windows 95 users
who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews
of Christmas[95] as early as November first."

Christmas 95 is scheduled for release in December of
1995, though one unnamed source said that it is
dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip
into the first half of 1996. An economist at Goldman
Sachs explained that a slip would be catostrophic to
next year's economy and the nation's tax revenue,
possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for
filing income tax returns to three months after
Christmas, whenever that was. "But it could be good
in the long term," he explained. "With Microsoft
controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or
June, which are much slower months for retailers. This
may serve to even out the economy over the year."

When asked if other holidays are being considered,
Mr. Gates explained that "Christmas is the flagship
of holidays, so wewanted to start there. Not all
holidays are available for sale, and the remaining will
have to show a good long-term business," suggesting
that holidays with a short history may not be in the
plans.

Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld, a
Santa official confirmed that the deal was "sizeable,
even for a man of Santa's stature." Some analysts think
that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is
looking for a means to expand his business to year
'round products and services. Others contend that the
Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.

A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not
be reached for comment.