Документ взят из кэша поисковой машины. Адрес оригинального документа : http://crydee.sai.msu.ru/ftproot/pub/misc/doc/foot Дата изменения: Thu Oct 24 17:52:34 1996 Дата индексирования: Tue Oct 2 14:59:47 2012 Кодировка: Поисковые слова: п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п п р п р п

C: You shoot yourself in the foot

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
impossible, since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which
are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish
anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but can't locate
the file with the foot for the life of you.

Ada: If you're dumb enough to use this language, the United States
Department of Defence will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a
firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring
out how to do it in fewer characters.

APL (alternate): You hear gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot,
but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what
happened.

Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of
contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then
hops around the room rapidly shooting at everyone in sight.

dBASE: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that
by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot
yourself anyway.

Basic: shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so
much fun doing it that you won't care.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Unix: %ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
%rm * .o
.o: no such file or directory
%ls

SQL: You cut your foot off, send it to a service bureau and when
it returns it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment
at the end of your leg.

Windows NT: You can't lift the gun, it's too heavy. You call you friends
for help. After pulling the trigger, heavy bullet rips both your legs off,
you fall on the ground and then gun falls from the sky and crushes your
head.

OS/2: You spend a week searching for a gun. You discover one shareware
gun which does not support bullets yet and IBM-made professional gun but
at $7500. You sell your car and buy IBM gun but you can't operate it
because instructions are too complex.

Word Basic: You pull the trigger, but nothing seems to happen. The next
time you close Word for Windows and open Excel, you find that your
wife and all your children have holes in their feet.

FORTRAN (depending on version): 77: not yet implemented. 83: Gun planned
and in beta. 88: Will only sometimes acknowledge existence of left
feet. 92: Nearly ready for release. 96: Not yet implemented.

Windows 3: you pull the trigger and get a GPF on your foot.

Windows 3.11: you pull the trigger and holes appear in the feet of
everyone else on the network.

Windows 95: You pull the trigger and you are advised that you have
wrong version of Winsock loaded. Then a hole appears in your foot.
Then a hole appears in your foot. Then a hole appears in your foot.
Then...

Eiffel: You can't remember the entry parameters to load the gun.
You have to bang the bullet into your feet with a hammer.